Pining For You, And You For Him
by Tabrina
Summary: "If you were fine, you wouldn't be trying to smother yourself with your pillow," James said quietly...  JAGAN   With one sided Kogan, and KenJo.. wtf is that even called lol  Someone Challenged me to this...


"Logan?" James quietly opens the door to the room that the smaller boy shares with a certain bushy eyebrowed blonde. The same bushy eyebrowed blonde that recently just walked out the door to Jo's, an ever too obvious square in his back pocket. Kendall had made sure to wink at his friends as he left, not even realizing the pain it caused to the brunette who sat between James and Carlos on the couch. Logan managed to control the pain in his expression just long enough for the boy to leave, but not before giving his friends a view of him sliding his hand into Jo's back pocket. Logan had all but ran to the room the second the door had closed.

"I'm fine James," Logan muttered from his spot, face down in his bed. Everyone knew of Logan's small crush on the leader of their group, except said leader apparently. No one believed Kendall to be heartless enough to rub his relationship with Jo in Logan's face, so they all decided he was just clueless.

"If you were fine, you wouldn't be trying to smother yourself with your pillow," James said quietly, taking a seat on the edge of Logan's bed, rubbing the boys back as Carlos peered in sadly from the doorway. Carlos was always the one who could make anyone laugh, that is if their heart had any laughter in it. Lately not even Carlos had been able to bring a smile to the boy's face, and so the comforting had fallen to James, something he didn't mind doing in the least for his friend. James had to admit he had a small crush on the small boy, but to tell him of such things would only cause the boy more confusion, and James didn't want that, nor did he want to become a rebound. So he selfishly spent his time trying to comfort that saddened boy. In reality, it was Carlos who suggested he be the one to comfort Logan, having known of James affections before Logan began his downward spiral.

"I'm not trying to smother myself, I just want to sleep." James shook his head, running his fingers through the boys short brunette locks of hair as he heard a particularly loud sniffle come from the face pressed into the pillow.

"All you've been doing is sleeping. You can only get so much beauty sleep Logan." James was glad when he felt a small jolt in the boys shoulders, which he could only assume was a laugh. Or perhaps it was just another sad sniffle, but James was hoping for a chuckle.

"Don't worry James, I promise I won't get prettier than you," Logan turned his head to the side with a sad smile. James heart broke at the sight before him, the small boys cheeks were tear stained, his eyes were red, and he had dark enough bags under his eyes to assume he hadn't slept in weeks. James merely shook his head, brushing the back of his hand against Logan's cheek, catching a few tears that had rolled down the flushed cheeks.

"Logan, Carlos and I are here for you. You know you can talk to any of us right? We don't want to see you so… so…" James trailed off, not sure what he should call the boy. Heartbroken described it pretty well, but Logan had swore up and down that he no longer had enough heart to break the last time he had called him that. "We just want to see you smile again." When Logan smiled up at him, the same fake smile that had graced his features every time he was expected to smile, James just shook his head. "A real smile, from someone who is genuinely wanting to smile." Logan shrugged, his smile falling as he rest his head back on the pillow again.

"Please just go away J-James…" If Logan had more to say it was muffled by a few broken sobs he released into the pillow. James knew not to push it, so he nodded, giving a gentle squeeze to Logan's shoulder before heading out into the hallway where Carlos stood, shutting the door behind him.

"He's really upset," Carlos said quietly, looking from the closed door to James, who merely nodded, running his fingers through his hair.

"He's not letting anyone in to help him either. He just wants to wallow in sadness, and it's killing him, and us. Neither of us want to see him like this." Carlos nodded, biting his lip sadly. James purposefully left Kendall out of his statement, not wanting to, but having a little bit of anger for his best friend who seemed to not even notice Logan's change in attitude lately. Apparently Kendall had been getting close to Jo, and not just in the emotional sense of the word, and he was gone almost constantly from the apartment.

The night continued on like it usually did, James and Carlos would idly watch tv, Logan wouldn't leave his room, and Kendall wouldn't come home until after everyone else had gone to bed. That was until it rolled around to just about eleven o' clock when James and Carlos heard a quiet knocking on their bedroom door. James was the one to awaken to get it, Carlos mumbling something in his only barely awake state. James wasn't ready for the sight that reached his eyes when he opened his door.

"Logan?" There before him stood the shorter boy, his hands gripping his pillow so tightly James swore it was going to tear in his hands. Tears flowed faster than ever from his eyes, falling to the floor between their bare feet silently. That was when James heard it, Jo and Kendall, in the room Logan shared with Kendall. Apparently they had decided to change up their routine, and never even notice Logan leave the room. They were being quiet enough that James had to struggle to hear them, but it appeared Logan could hear them clear as a bell, oxygen barely getting to his lungs with every hiccup of his breath. "Get in here," James said almost sternly, a little angry at the oblivious Kendall in the room near them, as he pulled Logan into the room, and closing the door behind them.

"James," Carlos asked quietly, as he sat up in bed rubbing his eyes tiredly once the lights had been turned on. When Carlos saw James kneeling before his own bed, Logan sitting there, his face red from the effort of just trying to breath, with James hands on his face, trying to get the boy to focus, Carlos was wide awake. "Oh man, Logan, come on breathe, don't die, please don't die," Carlos was in a panic, not quite used to seeing his friend so distraught before. He was used to Logan freaking out, passing out, or sometimes even hyperventilating, but never something like this. The boy was wheezing, and gasping for breath, his crying making it only that much harder to breath.

"Carlos, go get him a glass of water," James said, staring into Logan's red, tear filled eyes as he tried to calm the boy, his thumbs wiping away every tear that dared roll down his cheeks. "In and out Logan, just breath. In, and out. Good." James watched as Logan took heavy intakes of breath, that were broken with a very odd hiccup ever second. Logan's breathing reminded him of a small children who had cried for too hard, and too long, who's breath was merely sucking in short gasps of breaths for a few long seconds, before letting it out in a long cry. The most important thing was that Logan's face was beginning to lose it's red color, and though broken, he was breathing more.

By the time Carlos had returned with a glass of water, Logan was breathing smooth enough, save for a broken hiccup or sob here and there, that he was able to take a few sips upon James request. When Logan was finally able to speak he was apologizing for waking them, saying he would go back to his own room, which James nor Carlos wouldn't have any of.

"It's fine, they are probably asleep by now anyway," Logan said quietly, hanging his head, not wanting to think of what he had run from earlier.

"No way, you can stay here with James and I." James nodded in response to Carlos statement, knowing that if Carlos was saying it as well, it wasn't just his own selfish affections trying to get Logan to stay.

"I don't want to burden you guys…" Logan said, going to stand from James' bed in which he was currently sitting, but James merely rest a hand on his shoulder, keeping the boy still.

"You will never be a burden Logan, to any of us." James could see Logan wanted to say something, and if James had any clue, he imagined it was something about apparently being a burden to Kendall, but Logan decided to keep quiet. "Just think of it as you're sleeping over." James smiled, as Logan nodded, not looking up to meet his nor Carlos eyes. At least he was giving in though, and that's all James had really wanted. James was a little hesitant when Logan shared the bed with him, not wanting to curl up to the boy in his sleep, not wanting to do anything to scare him off, but was pleasantly surprised when in the middle of the night, he found the small boy curling up to him instead. Logan was smaller than him, almost feminine in his stature, but so very different from any girl James had even encountered. He was small, and almost petite if James dare say, and yet underneath his petite form you could feel toned muscles from dancing, and working out. Though Logan wasn't as apt to work out as James, he could be caught sneaking down there now and again, not wanting to be the weakest of their little foursome.

The next morning, Logan was gone before he even awoke, and was nowhere to be found. James was slightly worried, but figured the boy had gone out for a walk in hopes of not seeing Kendall and Jo when they emerged from their room. Unfortunately this was exactly the sight that James was greeted with when he left the bathroom that morning from his shower. James was glad Logan wasn't there because it was all too apparent what happened the night before, even if they hadn't heard it. Kendall was missing one shirt, which Jo was wearing, her hair in tangles and knots, and Kendall had nail marks down his back, not to mention they both sported more than one hickey upon their necks. James could only glare at them both as Jo left out the front door, and Kendall turned back towards their room, catching James glance.

"Sorry, did we keep you from your beauty sleep? We were trying to be qui-"

"Did you even think about the fact that you share a room with Logan," James asked, cutting off Kendall's sentence. James really didn't want to be angry, Kendall was his friend. Kendall didn't know about Logan's crush, but images of the broken Logan that had come to his room last night was haunting James, as if begging for James to avenge him.

"Well we were kinda caught up in the mo-"

"Whatever Kendall." James went to turn to go back to his room, once again cutting Kendall off, but was met with a hand gripping his wrist.

"Dude, what's the deal? I blanked, I didn't think it was that big of a deal." James ripped his arm out of Kendall's grasp and turned to look down at the boy, standing tall and almost trying to tower over him.

"Well maybe it is a big deal! Have you even noticed the way Logan's been moping around every since you've been flaunting the fact that you're banging Jo? The fact that he looks like he's been dead for a week or so, or have you been so caught up in Jo's pussy that you don't even notice Logan l-"

"James!" James snapped his lips shut quickly, looking over Kendall's shoulder to see Logan standing in the doorway of the apartment, looking back at the two of them with panic written clearly across his features. Kendall looked from James, to Logan, and then took a few steps towards Logan, hoping to see just how badly his friend had been looking lately. Logan was gone before Kendall had made more than six steps, bolting out of the apartment.

"Stay here," James growled as he ran past Kendall, not minding he was only wearing his pj pants as he raced into the hallway, running towards the elevator before taking a quick turn to the right as he heard the echo of running footsteps up the stairwell. "Logan wait!" James called looking up the stairs as he ran, barely catching glimpses of Logan as the boy turned the corners, until he heard the door to the roof slam shut. James knew that Logan was upset, but he never thought Logan capable of anything drastic, until he heard the roof door closing. Adrenaline speeded up James movements as he practically skipped over two steps at a time in his speed. As he threw open the door he saw Logan standing by the handrail on the edge of the building.

"Logan please, just stop! Don't jump! I love you too much to live without you Logan, please!" James was in near hysterics as he ran across the roof toward the boy. Logan turned to face him, looking sad, yet a smile graced his features, and as James raced towards him, he prayed the boy wouldn't bend back enough to fall over the railing and to his death. Yet the boy never moved, and James was finally within range to wrap his arms around the boy and crush him to his chest. He brought them both to their knees, just holding the solid body of Logan to him, not wanting to let go, for fear if he did, the boy would toss himself over the edge.

"James… I wasn't going to jump. I just needed to clear my head," Logan said, wrapping his arms comfortingly around the larger boy who seemed to be crushing the breath out of him.

"Couldn't you have cleared your head on the ground floor," James questioned, pulling away from Logan to look down at the boy in his arms, watching as Logan merely shook his head with a small smile. One that didn't seem half as sad as all the rest he'd seen for weeks. "Logan, I'm sorry I almost… I just… I was so mad…" Logan nodded resting his head against James chest as James spoke.

"James, did you mean it?" James stiffened, he knew exactly what he had said early, he hadn't forgotten, but he was almost hoping Logan had. He wasn't sure what to say, if he said yes, would Logan feel obligated to be with him because he didn't want to hurt James the way he was hurting? If James said no though, he was lying to himself, and what if Logan had developed feelings for him, it would then be him breaking Logan's heart. So James decided that maybe his mother was right, and 'honesty was the best policy.' He nodded, hoping Logan could feel it, not really wanting to speak right now, not trusting his words, or his voice for that matter.

"I don't want you to just be a rebound James," Logan said quietly against his chest, and James could feel his own chest tighten, readying himself for the rejection. "But I know I like you, and I'd like to try if you'll have me." He felt Logan's arms tighten around him, as if trying to keep him from leaving, probably figuring James would just be gone in much the way Kendall had been gone to him lately. So when James tried to pull back a bit, the boy merely whimpered and let him go reluctantly, looking ready to bolt at any second. James couldn't help but smile as he paced his palms alongside Logan's face, tilting the boys head up to him.

"I'd love to have you Logan," James whispered as he placed a kiss to Logan's lips. One kiss he hoped would lead to many more in the days, weeks, months, maybe even years to come.

* * *

_Ok, sooo this was a challenge. Someone (anonymously, if it was you, let me know, I'll dedicate this to you O.o;) sent me a message and told me they wanted me to write something that WASN'T Kogan, and where Kendall was actually a jerk. This was about as jerky as I could make Kendall. Can I just say, I hate writing Kendall not being nice? It just doesn't seem to fit him. But oh well… Challenge has been met lol Hope you all enjoy this lil drabble of BLAHness. _


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